Wednesday, April 15, 2009

He loves me, He loves me not.

He loves me.
He loves me not.
He hit me.
He begged me.
Black eye.
New Bracelet.
Swollen lip.
New ride.
Threats.
Promises.
Blood.
Kisses.
He loves me.
He loves me. Not...

85 comments:

NigerianDramaQueen said...

-I should probably add that this post was NOT referring to me....

UnderCover07 said...

1st!!!!

UnderCover07 said...

Yay!!! I was actually 1st...lol
Lol @ ur disclaimer...nice post tho', true words!

Ms.O said...

lol....pheww I was about to scream or you!...loves it!

bumight said...

black eye? threats? new whip?

baby girl, i dont think he loves you!

PS: NDQ i know its not referring to you.

miz-cynic said...

Wt inspired it then?

TayneMent said...

tell that to rihanna.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

@Undercover 007: Yeah I realized I probably should put the disclaimer b4 my blog-friends got worried...lol...

@Mrs.O: It's a good thing I put the disclaimer then!

@Bumight: This topic has come up between a couple of friends and I...and here's the question: what about the men who love their wives/significant other's, but abuse them-not because they don't love them, but because they dont know HOW to love them and grew up in abusive environments themselves?
All thoughts/opinions welcome...

@Miz-Cynic: A friend. And a friend of a friend.And most recently, Rihanna...

NigerianDramaQueen said...

@Taynement: You know, I wish I could live in Rihanna's head right now. It's so easy to see how dangerous abusive relationships are standing from the outside. I wonder the thoughts that run through her head...

Buttercup said...

i love how u wrote this..

im sure so many people can relate..

Arewa said...

rihanna! so gbo?

got my arm twisted one time... and a friend recently got 'tore up' by her man. no fun i tell ya.

Smaragd said...

exactly!lol, tell that to Rihanna.

he mauls her like a beast and gets her a ring!

mon cheri, Tu me manque (je ne sais pas how to write that in the past anymore..hehe)

ur last post cracked me up!

Chi-Chi said...

haha..thank God this wasn't referring to you o

imagine if i don't see your 1st post LOL

the guy definitely doesn't love d person. bracelet or no bracelet.

poeticallytinted said...

Definitely NOT!!!! lol. There ae so many women living in this nightmare.

bArOquE said...

wondering at your comment 1, did anyone really think it was you? i didnt...i just loved the progression, and finally

He loves me. Not...

finish it my love

Adaeze said...

Ooooh i love this. Touched me in a dangerous way. I love how each line is oposite of each other and it really portrays the huge ups-and downs.
I think what you say later in your comment is very interesting as well- how about the men who do love but don't know how because they grew up in abusive environments. There's plenty of them.We should create a separate topic for that just for discussion! I am not sure myself..I believe people can learn to change IF they are willing to be brutally honest with themselves and it takes a lot of hard work over a long period of time. But it's possible. One of my family friends have worked with abusive men doing alternative anger management therapy. Interesting stories. I want to hear other peoples opinions. I am glad the poem wasn't referring to you, but my heart goes out to all the ones going through this.

LusciousRon said...

Beautifully written. That is definitely goes beyond love.

juiceegal said...

I absolutely love dis as dis is one topic i'm absolutely passionate about. Itotally despise men that hit women nd i despise women dat stay nd make excuses 4 dis men even worse, no amount of jewelry or material things should make a woman condone abuse,whether physical,psychological or emotional, newaiz let me stop here b4 i write a long ass post in ur comment box...lol

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shubby Doo said...

Instinctively I say he loves you not…but then again I am a child that watched her mother get pulverised again and again by her father…i cannot believe that he did not love her...but i do know that the whole thing was fucked up. When I asked about it I was told such is the Nigerian way … but is it? Is it really? I can tell u that whatever way or whosever way, it will never be acceptable to me for it to be my way.

From my childhood experiences, I have learnt that it does not matter if he loves you… his sweet kisses will not erase the pain or the scars that bear witness... it is not a selfless act to stay with him (even for the kids) as he showers you with apologetic gifts as this will lead to an absence of self…

One should always remember that as God's precious child what actually matters here is the act of self love…the ability to love oneself enough to walk away

Zena said...

You already know

I loved it

LOL, I loved the disclaimer,

Nice Anon said...

Well he doesn't love you nor does he love himself otherwise he won't hit you.

LOL we all know it is not about you.

justdoyin said...

very nice...well written, n very relevant in ds times...hope it gets 2 d appropriate qtrs...

O'Dee said...

I agree.
He love me. NOT!

BSNC said...

he loves you alright :(

Elehuia said...

love it!!!

Wonderfully & Beautifully...MADE said...

very nice easy to read..straight to the point post....so we all agree "he loves you...ermm..nat!!"..ok.....and we all know you where not writing about yourself..lol....good you specified that...lol...xxx

jhazmyn said...

Its easy for me to scream out...He loves you not, then i think of all my friends living that life right now and i'm just really mad, then i think of the reasons they give and why they have to stay, and my heart breaks for all of em...
Its a really crazy cycle

mizchif said...

I know it definitely wasn't reffering to you.

Very true piece though.

Anonymous said...

the good and the bad juxtaposed by each other, you can almost not tell the difference when they are so close *sigh*

Zephi

SHE said...

It may not be you, but whoever it is, HE LOVES NOT.

RaNDoMer said...

LOL.... very nice
he def luvs u not!

NoLimit said...

He don't love you man!

Nefertiti said...

He loves 'you' NOT. I don't care where he's been. Take ur aggression out on a punching bag. Not on your woman. 'You' love her NOT!

Third World Profashional said...

he definitely loves you not but i'm loving it!

olu said...

Doesn't sound like LOVE to me.

1 + The One said...

Another beautiful, well written piece mademoiselle..
I know it's easy for one to say "he loves you not" but then try explaining it to the numerous ladies who experience this at least once a week....
Never been in this situation (thank God!) so I wouldn't fully understand why the women stay but I do know that "HE" may not love her but "SHE" loves him... She's staying for herself... that's why sometimes we stay when the guy repeatedly cheats...We stay because "I love him"..
May we not "love" the wrong person and may God give us the grace to "unlove" such people...

doll said...

i can relate to this

Just...Toluwa said...

this guy definitely does NOT luv the chic in question...

@ ur question to Bumight...there no "not knowing how to love a woman so i hit her"! makes no sense. if a guy loves a woman, he will supress his bad habits for her...no woman shld be with a guy who hits her, and shld probably leave him after he gives her a new ride! lol!

ps...luv'd the post!

Original Mgbeke said...

He loves you not. Funny, me and my friend were just talking about how we as women make justifications for any kind of abuse from men, it's pretty sad but ah well...

Good Naija Girl said...

I'm so glad this isn't about you, but I love the way it was written.

NDQ is talented to the core.

Xena!!! said...

nice...not aye? Rhinana then?
lol.

flabby said...

i love it
so simple- but it says so much

wordmerchant said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wordmerchant said...

he loves you not...when a man hits a woman he is really not worthy of her..she should cut her losses and walk away

nice post babes xxx

RocNaija said...

The complexities of being in a not-so-good relationship..

This sums up the myriad of emotions..

Miss Natural said...

I used to really like this guy and I thought he was wonderful. Unfortunately, due to a variety of reasons cracks appeared in the r.ship and he started to hit me, it was play at first. I'd teasingly hit him and he'd hit me back harder or hold my hands and use that opportunity to hit me more than once very hard. There was a time he actually dragged me out of his house, I was so angry! That's in the past now and there is no contact whatsoever. My point is however that sometimes it's so hard to walk away. That's why adverts always beg women to cos its never easy. You ask yourself why do you stay and the answer that comes back is 'you can't go'. Mine wasn't anything compared to other women and I got out early. But, men who hit women are the lowest of the low.

bob-ij said...

He loves whoever it is NOT! I love your play on words...it just flows so nicely. I've been slapped b4 by a guy...he was an Ex but if he was a current I think I'd be outie... bracelet/necklace/car/house/city or not!

x!

Jabez said...

I like this poem. Artfully written. Though the "story" is painful. Hitting is never indicative of love... never.

nice one here.wishing you well!! :-)

SouLBoutiQue said...

He loves her NOT! No man should ever put his hands on a woman....even if the woman provoked him....
nice poem!

NigerianDramaQueen said...

@Buttercup: Thanks boo. Yeah it's crazy how prevalent physical abuse is these days...luckily you have Chari so we know you won't be having any problems:-)

@Arewa: Lol@ the Rihanna bit. I guess her song 'rehab' was self-fulfilling prophecy. Meanwhile, I'm glad you got out of that situation. A twisted arm is how it starts...I hope your friend gets out of that situation as well...

@Smargd: Ma cherie cherie amie, tu me manque aussi (and your tense there was perfect:-) As for Rihanna, I can't imagine what it would be like to have your whole life spread out on paper before the press...In some ways I feel sorry for her...I'm glad you got some laughs from my grinding gon wrong story...

@Chi-Chi: Omo it's not me oh...by the grace of God. And yes, one thing I believe is that love should not hurt...but love is one complicated thing.

@Poeticallytinted: Your right, millions of women go through this. The whole Rihanna shing bang has brought to light so many issues...meanwhile, I def miss reading you. I've been bad with blog rounds, please forgive me...

@baroque: I had to be clear oh!I knew some of my newer readers could've thought it was me...and it shall be completed, soon...

@Adaeze: I'm really glad you got the exact message I was trying to portray with this piece. I too am interested in the dialogue in this issue. Like you've pointed out, there are no clear cut answers for this type of situation. Sometimes people stay and it gets better, other times they stay and die...

@Luscious Ron: Thanks! The act of hitting someone in and of itself can never be one of love, I agree.

@Juicegal: My father always told me that a man who hits a woman is coward...alot of them are fighting their own demons though...on the other hand, I really do sympathize with women who stay. You see, things are so much more different when your in a situation. Not that i'm making excuses for staying in an abusive relationship (because I wouldn't personally), but it's hard to fully understand a situation when your not in it...

@Shubby Doo: I couldn't think of a more perfect response. You have pretty much summed up my thoughts. The thing is, I know that there are men who love their wives but still hit them. It's not excusable ofcourse, but so many factors come into play. My paternal grandfather us to beat the ish out of my grandmother right into her 60s before he died. My father on the other hand never laid a finger on my mum. I've also heard the excuse of it being the Nigerian way. Infact my aunt 1ce told me that every man hits his wife and they just dont say anything about it. She said it was to be expected and women shouldn't air their dirty laundry in public...it's a sad mentality. But like you said, we need to love ourselves enough to walk away. I mean OJ simpson's wife is proof of that if nothing else...

@Zena: And you already know, I heart you. Babe I want more of your subway series oh!!!

@Nice Anon: You allude to an interesting point: a lot of men who hit their wives have very low self-esteem...

@Justdoyin: Thanks so much. It is my prayer that women going through this will be spoken to by the right voices...

@O'Dee: Good to know your still lurking around here babe! Miss you...

@BSNC: :-(....

@Elehuia: I'm glad you like:-)

@W&BM: Yes oh I had to be clear it wasnt me before my blogville family got worried...lol. Glad it was easy to read...

@Jhazmyn: My point exactly! To the outsider the answer looks so easy...but its a crazy cycle for those living in this nightmare...

@Mizchif: Yup not me babe...a blog visit from me is long overdue! no vex im so behind...

@Zephi: Isn't it crazy how 'love' can blur the lines till we can't think straight no more?

@SHE: Lol! Preach girl...

@Randomer: Thanks for stopping by:-) Hope people going through this find strength, courage and wisdom...

@No Limit: Word...

@Nefertiti: Growing up my dad raised me to believe there was NEVER an excuse for a man to hit a woman...he use to say they should go find punching bags or go to a motor park where there were plenty men willing to fight with them...lol

@3rd World Profashional: Tell it, tell it, tell it!

@Olu: Love shouldn't hurt or be painful. I agree...

@The One: You make very valid points...especially the part about women staying for themselves. Sometimes, we women fear the pain of being alone more than anything else. May God truly give abused women the strength, courage and wisdom to at least love themselves enough to make right decisions...

@Doll: :-(

@Toluwa: There is definately NEVER a reason or excuse to hit a woman. But there are men who have grown up seeing this as the norm..especially in our beloved Africa...

@Original Mgbeke: The kind of ish we women put up with eh...we excuse everything...it is well.

@GNG: I truly appreciate the compliment:-)

@Xena: Rihanna has become the poster child for abused women unfortunately...

@Flabby: I'm glad the piece spoke...in all it's brevity...

@Wordmerchant: I completely agree: any man who hits a woman does not deserve that woman. That's for sure...

@Roc: A crazy myriad of complxity it is indeed...

@Miss Natural: I'm glad you were able to walk out of that situation before it was too late. But you're very right about it being hard to walk away from such situations...and yes, there is nothing manly about hitting a woman...

@Bob-ij: Although I'm not happy you were slapped, I'm happy that's were it stopped. It would definately be a wrap after a guy as much as pushed my head...

@Jabez: Coming from great poet such as yourself, I'm flattered...

@ SoulBoutique: Yes there is NEVER EVER an excuse to hit a woman. r u in the states yet?

@

Rita said...

How the short poem captures the reality in totality...thank God it is not you

StandTall-The Activist said...

No he dont! And he shd face the law!

Penelope said...

I cn definately relate to this...lol
Riri shud cum on here n meditate on your words.
N if "me" were me, then he def loves me NOT

Kemberly said...

Girl...girl...girl...

don't even get me started on this...

Let me just stop there. :/

ibiluv said...

this one no be love

na madness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Invisible Man said...

Busted lips?? He should vanish wif his love... Real men dont hit.

tara douglas said...

not of course
he does not love u
(i hope this is just a poem or maybe you need to advice urself)
cos you are smarter than this.

tara douglas said...

i meant ur friend really!

mike said...

he loves you not!! Damn !

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

NO one deserves to be the victim of domestic violence whether male or female, he definitely loves her NOT

Smaragd said...

ca va?

Dammy said...

He loves you not!

Dammy said...

On a second thought, love is a complex emotion. Maybe he loves you and maybe not...but do you think he truly enjoy those hyper moments when emotions go awry? I don't think so.

He's got a problem and he needs help.

Rose said...

Abuse indeed goes round in a cycle which can only be broken by a decision on the part of the victim...

"He Loves Me He Loves Me Not"
This is exactly what goes through the mind of a victim...When things appear good...she is scared to leave..."who knows she says to herself he may just be my soulmate...I'd stay"...

Elehuia said...

IN REFERENCE TO YOUR COMMENT ON MY BLOG----LOL thanks I heart you too. I am glad you enjoyed the poems. Don't you just love April and the creativity that it brings! Not only does it bring showers that bring May Flowers! but it brings a birth of all new thoughts and ideas, so much creativity floating around in the air! and yes I agree of all the vids Shihan is def. the truth!!!!

BTW currently displaying Nikki Giovanni Love Poems on my blog, check'em out!

olu said...

Update already. We miss you!

Olamild said...

He loves me not

Ms. SpicyTee said...

What we suffer in the name of love...But love does not abuse, is an individual thingy.
He loves me..he loves me not indeed. Nice post sis..First time here..I will call in again.

Naija Babe said...

He loves me, not...or maybe in a sick dysfunctional way...however now I am forced to ask myself "Do i really love me?"

As usual NDQ...beautifully written.
Meanwhile...I have a new blog now...www.lifelovefaith.com

See you...
My young shero!

Lady A said...

Now that was a good poem. For women who go through that, maybe it will be any eye opener for them. Hopefully they will see their situation in a different light.

Writefreak said...

No he doesn't love 'you'. Abuse is not to be tolerated!

Notion said...

so i'm pretty happy because i think i found another great poet i really liked that other poem you wrote on hear too, and if you'd like come check my poetry out on my page

Tairebabs said...

NDQ I was afraid for a second that this post referred to you. Good to know. Black eye new bracelet...many women are living that poem.

Queen of My Castle said...

I grew up in an abusive home. Many mixed emotions. Loved the word play.

Chi-Chi said...

where are u ?

Honeywell said...

I love this!! Mehn its sad, but simple and to the point. its a sad thing that we women put up with this in the name of love...

What Nigerian Women deal with. said...

i love it, few words that say so much. interesting.

Severus Snape said...

R u sure that wasn't you.Cute poem,though.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

He loves me.
He loves me not.
He was rude to me.
In front of a stranger.
Ok
I was rude first.
Ignored him.
Completely.
For days.
He started it.
He listens selectively.
Expects me to... non-selectively.
I think.
Anyway
Hes messed up now.
Im walking out.
For days.
Im confused.
Maybe I love him.
Maybe I don't.
Maybe it doesnt matter.
Oh yeah.
New white gold bracelet.
And matching earrings.
Designer bag.
What does it matter.
He embarrassed me.
He loves me.
He loves me. Not?
No... I think A lot

UBRINGMEJOI said...

Amazing!

aa said...

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潤滑液|內衣|性感內衣|自慰器|
自慰套|情趣內衣|
G點|性感丁字褲|吊帶襪|
煙火批發|煙火|情趣用品|SM|充氣娃娃|AV|情趣|
衣蝶|丁字褲|無線跳蛋|性感睡衣|
按摩棒|電動按摩棒|飛機杯|自慰套|
角色扮演|跳蛋|情趣跳蛋|

Shawneesdvh said...

he definitely loves you not but i'm loving it!

Uba Babs said...

U are too much with this write up i appreciate u so much for the great work,well done.

Anonymous said...

Are you strong enough to make a woman cry for more
you can reach me on spiceetee@accountant.com
I am beautiful, classy and outgoing, i need a man that
can make me feel like a woman... a strong man.
i am a 2011 graduate of accountant from LASU.