Saturday, May 9, 2009

Dear Daddy,

I wanted to whisper that first “I made it” in your ears. I made plans to write this last week when for the first time, my heart finally made sense of the light my eyes caught at that exit sign labelled ‘graduation’. But I got caught up in hysteria of family flying in from all over, final papers to turn in, and exams to study for and well...I choked on guilt.

Sometimes, I cannot help but feel that in some ways, I have betrayed you or at least your memory. I can’t fight the fact that you have become a forgotten memory... a half finished phrase remembered only amidst questions that I ask myself like “who will teach my brother to become a man?”, as I help him knot his tie and smack him for putting his feet in my high heels. And then there are the random moments when fluid memories of you flow through my mind...like when I’m driving home and hear a Kenny G song from that Breathless album you loved. Most of the times though, I regret the fact that I do not remember you . . . that I made peace with your parting way to quickly and freely . . . that the fragments left of you in my spirit are images of sickness and vomit, of frailness and hairlessness.

I wake up some mornings wondering if some parts of me will forever be lost with
the parts of you I buried...

But last week, I received a graduation gift that I will forever cherish. A college friend of yours gave me pictures of you in your judo uniform from your martial arts days. And for the first time in a long time, I remembered you. I remembered you strong. Remembered you proud and beaming at PTA meetings and prize giving days. It made me hope that God parted the clouds and allowed you to see me walk across the stage at your Alma mater and receive my B.A. - Summa Cum Laude. But most of all, I hope you saw all of your friends who came for my graduation-from Abuja to Atlanta and from Dallas to D.C. As much as I would like to pretend that they all came for me, I know that most of them came because they felt they owed it to you and because in one way or another, you had touched their lives. Someone told me last week, “your father always told me I would make it...even when I didn’t believe it.”

As the future curves before me like a question mark, forcing me to make important decisions (like deciding between going to law School in D.C. or N.Y.?!); I hope that at the end of the day, I can become half of the person you were. Just like you, I want to be known and remembered as kind, forgiving and focused. Maybe even revolutionary.

Until then, I wanted to send a ray of sunshine your way and let you know-I MADE IT.
Love,
Me.

70 comments:

bumight said...

this is very touching. im sure he's very proud of you!

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Bumight,
I should have known you would be first!LOL. What have I missed around here? Im wayyy behind on blog rounds but I have no excuse now...

UnderCover07 said...

Beautifully written...and am sure he understands, and is beaming with pride.

Congrats!!!

Temite said...

awww
I dont know what to say but that He loves u and DC all the WAY BABE! Good Luck in ze law school! U shall make a brilliant avocat! XOXO

floreta said...

this is absolutely beautiful.
and what a great gift /picture of him to remember him by :)

leggy said...

wow...ive got tears in my eyes...congratulations

Phoenix said...

Congratulations babes.
Remember to tip your hat to him when you walk across to get your degree cos he will be watching.

Im sure he is so proud of you.
Beating his chest and telling hte angels "thats my girl".

Shubby Doo said...

I started to cry at the end of this...

Your writing leaves me in awe...this was so touching

NDQ u ARE your father's daughter...simply know that he lives on through you...through all his children

P.s
*chokes back tears as she raises her glass and toasts to your continuing success* Congratulations...stayed blessed honey

One Naija Dude said...

Nice.. I'm sure Daddy is leading the applause for his girl!

Afrobabe said...

OMG, baby girl, this brought teas to my eyes...

I am sure he is sooo proud of you, I know for sure we all are...

congrats

juiceegal said...

Congratulations NDQ........im sure ur daddy is so proud of u.
Kudos to all daddy's girls...myself included...lol

TayneMent said...

soo sweet.congratulations.

Omo said...

congrats! that just made me tear up.

Zena said...

You always have a way of making me cry or leaving me in awe of you, today you did both

So....I'm choking here, but Congratulations Darling (Law school in NY, thank-you very much, lol)

We're all proud of you and not to sound soo corny, but I'm sure he's watching and beaming with pride as we all are

On to the next chapter

Funms-the rebirth said...

Congratulations darling...... He is really happy and proud of you knowing that you turned out great....

Chari said...

awwww...eeeyaa...this is so heart wrenching...

Indeed it is safe to assume that your old man is definitely looking down on your proudly..

Some blogger was talking about her sister [who is a blogger too] jus graded sumna cum laude...I assume that to be you...non?

exschoolnerd said...

congrats dear!!! happy for u! am sure he's smiling wherever he is!

ShonaVixen said...

This was so touching as a daddy's girl, I cried! He's definitely beaming with pride at the moment!!Congrats hon xxx

Anonymous said...

I hope I can write something similar to this one day!! Gosh I hope they cannot see me welling up at a computer in the library.

olu said...

I'm touched. He's proud of you - and so am I. Congratulations! You deserve it and much more.

Ladi said...

You made it and he's sure proud!

Congratulations!!!!!

Miss Natural said...

That was very deep. He definitely is proud of you and as long as you treasure your memories he'll always be alive in your heart.

Peaches said...

that it so beautiful

Mika's Thought's... said...

Niceeeee. I'm so happy for you.
P.S Come to NY for law school!

Rene said...

*sniff*
really touching.....He's alwayz there

Good Naija Girl said...

Congratulations on graduating! I am sure he is so proud of the woman his baby girl has become.

He will always be a part of you...and I'm glad the picure you received was able to bring back fond memories. At the end of the day, it's most important to have touched the lives of others and it's clear your father did that.

bard said...

Absolutely beautiful writing. It touches me even more because, even though my situation is different from yours in many ways, I'm about to graduate from college as well and my dad passed away two years ago just after I started my degree.

The guilt that you carry is not unusual, but also know that it originates from you and not your father. Life goes on for the living, and the passage of time causes things to change for us in many different ways. But I have no doubt that your father's love and pride for you are eternal.

AnyaPosh said...

awww...it's about that time NDQ! I'm glad you made it thru. I bet your dad was smiling at his little gurl as she walked across that stage to get her degree. Congratulations babe!

OPTIMISTIC_alyzzz said...

hmmm,
i am sure he is smiling right down at you.
girlie YOU DEFINITELY MADE DADDY PROUD

O'Dee said...

This is beautiful. I really dont need to tell you to keep that picture close.

Congrats, you MADE IT!

mizchif said...

This really is beautiful.

I'm sure Daddy is up there, beaming with pride @ the achievements of his little princess!

Congratulations girl. All the best!

JayDee said...

Congrats...I'm certain he is very proud of u like his friends are. All the best in deciding where to go for law skl, i'm sure it wld be a great choice once u decide. Lovely write up too...emotional!!!

Elehuia said...

"As the future curves before me like a question mark"....I am in love!!!! Beautiful touching post! wow still blowin away...

TMinx said...

Congatulations! I'm sure he's proud

~Sirius~ said...

AWWWWW
*teary eyed....

Congratulations dear.....

poeticallytinted said...

Congrats love! He's got a big smile on his face right now!

Ms.O said...

Awwww babe! you made me cry! That was too beautiful, and even I know that you are going to be great someday. So proud of you!!! CONGRATS, YOU MOST DEF MADE IT!!!!

Nefertiti said...

aww darling! He is proud of u! We all are! This was sooooooo beautiful!

miss b said...

I loveee this so much. I have loast a loved one too and i know the feeling. You have an amazing way with words, hope i can be half as good as you! am new to blogsville so will appreciate it if you add me to your list!!http://naijadaydreamer.blogspot.com/

Arewa said...

Congrats on ur grad!
Your post was so touching. I'm sure your dad is proud of you. Keep pushing babe!
xo

Osondu Nnamdi Awaraka said...

Hey. This is touching. I'm sorry for your loss. You did well in this piece. I'm sure Daddy would have been really proud with this. Keep it up.

Moody Crab said...

Babe congrats again! Enjoy your sucess...you totally deserve it and I'm sure your dad is celebrating YOU as well. x

Lisa said...

CONGRATULOBIA dearie! What a lovely letter to Daddy....he sure is proud of you. Keep your head up!

Original Mgbeke said...

This was nothing short of beautiful. You made it!!! Congratulations babe. You are your father's daughter and I am very sure you will be remembered in the same light that he is remembered...may his soul continue to Rest in perfect peace.

PS:- Law school in DC. :-)

jhazmyn said...

This was so touching...Congratulations girl and he's so proud of you right now, i'm like so sure of that

flabby said...

hey- u ok?

bob-ij said...

wow. This touched me in ways I can't even describe. As for the Martial Arts picture, I can only imagine. Congrats dear and your Dad IS proud of you.
With the passion I sense,I know that you will be REVOLUTIONARY! You're the one and only NDQ!

x!

littleangel4christ said...

Heartfelt! And Congrats!
Hw u doin? Am sure He is so proud of u. Stay strong!

StandTall-The Activist said...

I felt like saying happy father's day. am so touched and I am sure your dad is going to be proud of you. Yes, he is going to be.


You are the best my lady. You are on this thursday....

Rita said...

I know how you felt...He must be more than proud of you.

Congrats...

sleekie said...

Oh your tribute is just beautiful and ,it brought tears to me eyes.. he is smiling down on you

J'Adore Fashion said...

WOW, this is SO touching--got me tearing, i bet he his SO proud of you, congrats sweety and all the best in your decision!!xxx

Beulah! said...

**Sighh**!...Very touching...brought tears to my eye. Im sure he's proud of u wherever he is

littleangel4christ said...

I see say u reach my side...Thnx!

Enkay said...

Makes me wish we could turn back the hands of time. Even if for just 60seconds.

Congratulations.

First time here.

fridaygurl said...

My warmest wishes, but inbtw, congratulations on ur grauation, i'm proud of you! :)

SHE said...

Your dad sure must have been a great man!
I'm proud of you for him...

Congrats!

Writefreak said...

Awww...almost made me cry!
He must be so proud of you and i'm glad you got some memories back!

Ms Sula said...

NigerianDramaQueen, Congratulations darling. I am so very sure that your father is beaming from wherever he is. You made him proud. You made us all proud- and we don't even know you.

Time can take away memories from your brain, but your heart will always find a way to remember them.

Again congratulations on a well-deserved graduation! You will find the answers you need to, you are too wise not to.

guerreiranigeriana said...

...hadn't planned on crying, but you have succeeded in making me do so...very touching...congrats...there's nothing more i can say right now...

uNWrItten* said...

congrat my love!!! iknow your dad will be proud of you..you are absolutely fabulous :)
ill be joining you in august :)

Isi said...

hiya! do visit:
jollykids-isi.blogspot.com
cheers!

fyvish said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
P'sy-A-wana said...

He's evrywhere around u in ur brothers smile or ur eyes when they twinkle wen u r planning sthg our loved ones never leave us they live on in usThank u ffor showing me d kind of father dat i can b to my kids someday.

P'sy-A-wana said...

He's evrywhere around u in ur brothers smile or ur eyes when they twinkle wen u r planning sthg our loved ones never leave us they live on in usThank u ffor showing me d kind of father dat i can b to my kids someday.

The Queen of Hearts said...

Where did you graduate from?

Dhool. said...

My God, this was too beautiful, moving too. I'm glad I came across yor blog:)

John Greener said...

He's evrywhere around u in ur brothers smile or ur eyes when they twinkle wen u r planning sthg our loved ones never leave us they live on in usThank u ffor showing me d kind of father dat i can b to my kids someday.

Smith said...

This is beautiful. I really dont need to tell you to keep that picture close. Congrats, you MADE IT!

Jonesotpb said...

I hope I can write something similar to this one day!! Gosh I hope they cannot see me welling up at a computer in the library.