Friday, November 26, 2010

Lessons Learned From Almost Loving You

When I met you, I thought you were the one. I thought our name had been carved in sun. I craved the music of your voice, the symphony of our hands intertwined. You and me would become this we…this powerful force of poetry, politics, music, light and laughter.

There was a sweetness in this…in us. Your good morning’s fueled 10,000 summers. Your goodnights lulled me to a sleep drunk with calm and easy. Tomorrows spent with you couldn’t come sooner… today’s spent with you were too short. You spoke of happily ever after’s. I almost believed you. I almost loved you.

But there were the subtle changes…the subtle ways you showed me who you are, but I refused to believe you. The showing up late. The not showing up at all. The excuses. I don’t know which excuses were worse--the ones you gave or the ones I made. The blatant disregard for my time, and person. But I wanted to believe the best about you-even when warned not too. They told me you were all charm no substance. But, I held on to this thing between us because I believed in our beauty and possibility. I believed in you…And because, hey- bad boy’s have their appeal.

I liked you assiduously for two months and 3 days. Head spinning/spaced out/face grinning kind of like. But here’s the suicide haiku to whatever existed between us:

The burden of we/
I can no longer carry/
On the back of me


Ashe. I can no longer swallow your indifference-or my pride. Allow me to paraphrase the colored girls who moved towards their own rainbows:

My love is too whole
Too complex
Too pure
Too Paris magic
Too 1999
Too Sade soulful
Lauryn Hill educated
Boys II Men passionate

To be thrown back in my face.

So take your life back, minus me, and what that equals=a loss. Take my forgiveness...unsolicited, yes..but given nonetheless.

And I am free…

21 comments:

AlooFar said...

Can I have a free "B"?

"wink wink"

flabby said...

hey u! love it- im sure everyone relates to this at some point

Courtney said...

love how you incorporated

"My love is too whole
Too complex
Too pure
Too Paris magic
Too 1999
Too Sade soulful
Lauryn Hill educated
Boys II Men passionate
To be thrown back in my face."

into this. way awesome.

Rita said...

How I missed your poetry and your prose. It may be a loss but indeed you are free. I like the description of your love...

It is as though you are telling my own story :-) How have you been?

doll said...

i can relate to this

Blessing said...

Beautifully written!

I def can relate!

~Sirius~ said...

This sounds like pure unadulterated freedom.
The good stuff.

I love the way you wrote this, and if you were ever unsure..reading this would reassure you.

I definitely can relate to this.

Funms-the rebirth said...

i can soooooo relate to this too.....

i still wanna be completely free tho

Ms.O said...

OMG I can relate too!!! sigh....

You are so eloquent!

jhazmyn said...

this is so beautiful....sad yeah, but totally beautiful

Uzezi said...

freedom is much more desirable than a relationship that eats one alive

rethots said...

Hmmm......

Good Naija Girl said...

I don’t know which excuses were worse--the ones you gave or the ones I made.

I can relate.

Enjoy your freedom...

Brilliantly Me said...

Sigh* It's funny how so much can happen in such a short period of time.

P.S-You're in the DMV too?

mizchif said...

Love it.

Sugabelly said...

I can totally relate. It's sad when things don't work out but we learn good life lessons too so it's not a total loss is it?

olu said...

Well written, as always. Miss you big!

Nigerian Drama Queen said...

I am glad so many people could relate. How I have missed you all.

seye said...

Yet another one I can relate to!

NaijaGirl said...

I love it, it's like you were telling my story. Nice one.

Tisha said...

Great idea

so you can finally live your dreams...