Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Four Stages of Grief Or Finding Your Way To Que Sera Sera

Stage 1: Denial:

You don’t care. Or so you say. Bbm profile? Deleted. Facebook page? Gone. He is dead to you-digitally, at least. You rant about the idiot to your friends and they tell you they don’t know what you saw in him in the first place. With high heels on your feet and your fatal drink in your hand, you toast to independence and echo the faithful “good riddance to bad rubbish.” Even the DJ must have gotten the memo because he throws Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ into his mix. This is a sign: You don’t need that fool/ punk/ player/ douche-bag. Moving on.

Stage 2: The Undoing:

Friday night’s debauchery turns Saturday morning’s grief. It hits you. You miss having him hold you. You miss having someone to tell the minute details of your life. You wonder what’s wrong with you. What did you do wrong? You ask how you have allowed a man make you feel this powerless. You cry enough rivers to satisfy Justin Timberlake. You fall apart on the hard wood floor of your apartment. Your mirror and make-up brush are witnesses to your swollen eyes and bruised spirit. No one can see you this way: One. Hot. Mess. You’re the one who usually has ish together. No, this grief is between you, your God, and your chocolate bar.

Stage 3: The Peace & Pieces:

You are fighting urges to call him. Maybe you overreacted. Maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe you’re just not patient enough. This is like kicking a bad habit complete with the shakes. But you turn off your phone, clasp your hands in prayer, and Amen your way to temporary sanity. You write a list of every bitch ass move he made. You read enough feminist poems and self-help books to make you an expert: PhD in Getting Over Jerks And Looking Fabulous While Doing It. You become the accidental work-a-holic. That research paper gets done. The closet finally gets organized-by color and fabric. And when all else fails, you go to bed and hope that your heart will feel better in the morning.

Stage 4: The Letting Go:

You’ve forgiven his flaws and accepted your own. You’ve remembered the beauty of Insha Allah. This is the letting go and letting God part. You’ve returned to your first love and free therapy: writing. You’ve found the silver lining: he at least inspired good poetry. Suddenly, a familiar song: one that takes you to your childhood and happy times. You remember the sunshine that existed before him. You remember the sunshine that will exist after him. You notice the hottie across the room staring at you. You acknowledge him and continue to type furiously. Today it’s just about you, your latte, and one exquisite moment of epiphany.

51 comments:

Blessing said...

hmmm...been there...done that!

Nigerian Scorpio (Sting) said...

iLike.

It's amazing how humans beings are so different and yet so similar.

I particularly loved this line "our mirror and make-up brush are witnesses to your swollen eyes and bruised spirit."

I hope u r back to blogging regularly? It's nice to see u around these parts, don't disappear again.

The nitty-gritty tales of a housewife said...

Thanks for stopping over.....yeah, remember the tears....THEN....*grin*

AlooFar said...

Sowwy dear ;)

Hope you're better after this purgation.

Nefertiti said...

Yeah gurl, it hurts like a bitch for a while then it hurts no more. Let it burn, u'll eventually come out golden. ;-)

~Sirius~ said...

Do I smell an almost recovered soul sister?

Yes sir!!!

Almost at the finish line.....

I can promise you, you'll be just fine......:-)

Anyaposh said...

I liked this outpouring. Sometimes, we need to hit rock bottom before we can realize that we're really on our own but we can move forward from the hurt. Insha Allah, it will be well.

Ms.O said...

WOW! It will be well...we have all been there..

NovemberMiracle said...

Glad to have you back! :)

And I am pretty sure you are going through these things with much grace and poise.

Temite said...

Sigh....

T.Notes...now traipsing birmingham... said...

Today it’s just about you, your latte, and one exquisite moment of epiphany. Luvs! Glad to have you back around!!!

olu said...

'No one can see you this way: One. Hot. Mess. You’re the one who usually has ish together. No, this grief is between you, your God, and your chocolate bar.'

I feel you. I do. Good to know you've moved on.

Omotee! said...

I really really feel you. The first three stages are hard, its amazing how we survive it.

but u will. well done!

Good Naija Girl said...

This is beautiful writing and while I'm sorry that things didn't go the way you had hoped, I am glad for the return to your first love!

This reminds me in some ways of sting's Broken Heart post.

Sugabelly said...

I'm going through this right now and I keep telling myself it will be okay and I wake up in the morning and it's not. I hope this feeling ends soon. I don't know how much more I can stand.

2cute4u said...

Wow! this is really good..
You so recaptured it ...
You did it beautifully;
The irony of it all is that we go through this s many times and always forget how we survive it each time..

seye said...

Hahaha! OMG! Well said! Well said!

How have you been?? And where have you been?????????

Original Mgbeke said...

I loved this post. Like I was nodding all through because I've certainly been there...(haven't we all? sigh).
Time (very cliche, but true in my books) works wonders. Yup!

That aside, how have you been Lady? Definitely nice to see you back in Blogtown. :-)

Anonymous said...

ummmmm are you back?! :)

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AlooFar said...

ARE YOU GOING TO UPDATE THIS BLOG?

I'M NOT FOR ANY HIDE-N-SEEK GAME THIS YEAR!

Lily Johnson said...

Beautifully written. That is the beginning and the end of it. You'd just keep obsessing until you are too tired to do any more. It aint easy at all.
Love it!

Anya Posh said...

happy new year darling! I hope to see more of you in 2011, full of joy, happiness, and living life!!

Original Mgbeke said...

I'm definitely alll for that! Probably won't be till March though (got an exam in Feb), but I'm for it. Will shoot you an email if anything comes up soon. :-)

AlooFar said...

where are you nau?!

Anonymous said...

Just read this... So true.... Been there... It's always refreshing when u let it all out

theicequeen said...

It is a rewarding process though..provided you DO go through the stages..because if you manage to skip one, convince youself of the good riddance part without the crying your eyes out part..one day, when you're smiling down the street it looks like the day you met...you break down and have to face it then...so..get it out, over and done with when it's fresh :)

Tisha said...

sweetie
dawn always comes
and God has good plans.

LohiO said...

Happy new year! Hope you are good!

doll said...

hey babes. how are u holding up

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▲ Nicci St. Bruce ▲ said...

An amazing piece of writing. Wonderful to read that others have been there too! You rock!

▲ Nicci St. Bruce ▲ said...

An amazing piece of writing. Wonderful to read that others have been there too! You rock!

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Anonymous said...

You are happy,you laugh and mock at the situation of the lady. She made mistakes and has learnt from it. Steph said she is sorry and has changed. She is willing to learn,be humble and listen to corrections and become a better person. Steph pleads with those she has hurt in the past and present.

Pink Sugar perfume said...

Just want to share this: A grieving/sad person must not be forced to be okay because it has no deadline to beat. Let her grieve until her heart find no more sadness or heartache.

Jennifer Lopez Perfume said...

How i wish that letting go is as easy as what everybody thought of.

Ioana-Carmen said...

Sweetie I`m watching your blog for a while! Maybe you wanna follow each other? just announce me :X

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